This was an assignment for school. I actually started off pretty seriously, but then I gradually started… taking the Mick. I got an alright grade for it, so its all good! Here is what I handed in; I hope you enjoy it!
The World Would Be a Better Place if Errybody Lived in My Utopia.
Predominately, in my utopia (which I have chosen to name Bagel-Llamaland), I would rule the world. Although this may be a scary thought for some, I feel that it’s important that I am in charge of my own utopia.
In my utopia, everyone would love me, because they would clearly see how perfect and awesome I am. Especially splendid people will be given their own background music.
I think it should also be socially acceptable for people to constantly brush their teeth. I would constantly brush my teeth if I could, but in my current society, it is viewed as weird. Why? What’s wrong with having clean teeth and a healthy gum?
Eating kiwi fruits with the peel on is NOT socially acceptable. People who do will be punished by having the offending kiwi peel (or if already consumed, another kiwi peel) rubbed against their tongue, until the fuzz temporarily numbs said tongue.
My most strictly enforced law would be the Law of The Chip. This means that if you were to offer a person a chip, they would not be allowed to take more than one. Alternatively, if you offer to buy someone their own portion of chips, and they decline, they MAY NOT ask for one of yours. This behaviour is despicable. Caught offenders would be forced into a room of complete darkness for 23 hours. (24 hours seems too harsh).
In Bagel-Llamaland, spiders are extinct. Any animal with more than four legs is an enemy- ESPECIALLY creatures with eight legs or more. Except octopi. Octopi are our friends.
Although I have chosen to name my utopia Bagel-Llamaland, the national animal will be a panda. Why? Because who needs logic, that’s why! My national food would be a bagel as the main course, and a doughnut as the dessert, because everyone knows that if there ever were to be a food romance, a bagel and a doughnut would have a WONDERFUL relationship. My national plant would be the Cactililus; a hybrid Lilly-Cactus plant that walks. This plant would have healing properties, and when eaten, gives the ability of flight, speed, and super human strength. However, it would be incredibly rare. All plants would be part cactus, because they would have the same flower as usual, but the leaves would be replaced with cactus needles. Leaves will be prohibited. Leaves are weird. They feel leathery and slimy and I just don’t like them. So they are banned. To those who ask: ‘But how will we eat? How will we breathe?’; I say- IMPROVISE. If you really need to breathe, I’m sure you’ll find a way.
In my utopia, bright colours would be EVERYWHERE. There would not be any such thing as colours ‘clashing’. If you want to paint your room bright orange and lime green, go ahead. However, the colour orange in the public domain is restricted. Only 5% of a person’s wardrobe may be orange. The other colours in the visible spectrum are BEAUTIFUL.
Lastly, and most importantly, it is illegal to NOT BE YOURSELF. Everybody in my utopia would understand that everybody is different, and everybody would (if not agree with a person) at least see where the person is coming from. Nobody would care about the negatives of other people, and like them for the positive. People who try to ruin my utopia will, be put to death by tickling.
Thank you, that is all.
So, A Bagel Loves A Doughnut 