Happy Halloween!

It’s a Were-Coconut. Its cute.

Hey, guys! Ok, I think we ALL know whats going on here… Halloween! Ah, Halloween, the one day a year where a man can walk down the street wearing a mask and carrying a sickle, and not get stopped by the police. Actually… the one day a man can wear a mask, carry a sickle, and offer sweets to random children, and not get stopped by the police.

Do you like the picture? I think I’m going to start including them in my posts because I think they brighten them up? They do, don’t you think?

Ok, with that said… Halloween. Now, I’m not American, I’m English, and Halloween really isn’t that big of a deal here. Don’t get me wrong, we still dress up and trick-or-treat and all that jazz, but we don’t get as EMOTIONAL about it as Americans seem to. I don’t know about Australia, France and Canada though, is it big there too? To be honest, I’ve only had one trick-or-treater today, and they’ve already pissed me off. I mean, who trick or treats at 5 pm?

Anyways, that being said, I think the best part of Halloween is the scary stories. Not because they’re actually scary, but because they are so amazingly stupid that they’re funny. I mean, half the characters in these stories bring death upon themselves. I mean, look at these first sentences.

1. One Halloween, the parents of a young girl, due to prior arrangements, were forced to leave her home alone for the night. Seriously, if your child can be described in a story as a ‘young girl’… they shouldn’t be left alone at home. And especially on Halloween; they really want to tempt fate, don’t they? Like, what if she gets attacked by demons? Who she gonna call? Ghostbusters?

2. An old woman lived alone on a foggy hill, miles away from any village or town. Well… I can’t see anything going wrong here. I’m taking now as an oppurtunity to promise to both my parents: I will NEVER let you live like that in your old age. Never. :3

3. The parents of a young girl had an interest of clowns, and so collected clown items from around the world, and kept them all in one room. Oh wow. Wow, wow, wow. Well I must tell you, that aside from spiders, and the devil himself, clowns are the scariest thing on this planet. Anybody, ANYBODY who is sane, would not bring that kind of evil into their home. And do you know what? I am not surprised that some escaped murderers decide to dress up as clowns. They go hand in hand.

4. A woman gave birth to a child whose father was the devil. Ok, I think we’re done for the day.

Anyways, I think Halloween is good. Because sometimes its nice to have an excuse to eat sweets, and stuff. And since i just realised I’m home alone… I’m going to plan my emergency exits and what not.

And believe me, if i die tonight… I am SO haunting my enemies!

Words That Should Not Be

Is it just me, or are there just some words in the English Language that just sound socially unacceptable? Most of the time, it’s not even the definition of the word, but the word itself. They way it sounds… or the way if feels in your mouth when you say it. My friend and I went through a phase where we wrote down all the words that gave us the creeps.

Scalp.

Phlegm.

Snog.

Just a few of the multiple of words that fell out the armpit of the English Language. I mean, ew, who thought of words like that!?

Moist.

Ew! At first, I thought I should explain why I hate these words… but no. No. I think they should speak for themselves.

Flesh.

Viscous.

Oyster.

Even a word like pork.  It doesn’t sound that bad… Or does it? Think about it. Say it out loud a few times. Seriously, it’s the same with all these words. You might think there’s nothing wrong at all with these words. But say them very slowly… and say them out loud.

Puss.

Mucus.

Sloth.

…

Mutilation.

Ok, granted, most of these words, have nasty meanings anyway, but still!

Now, I’m not knocking English; I love it. I love learning new words; beautiful words, like superfluous and iridescent. However, sometimes I’ll come across a word like ‘squalor’ and just wonder why?

WHY!?

Urgh, anyway…I’ve said these words so many times over that they don’t even sound like English anymore. They sound like Elvish or something. I don’t know… am I even normal?

I’m starting to think I’m not.

Creepy Things Salad Fingers Has Said

Salad Fingers is a cartoon series on YouTube that peaked in around 2005, however, my friend and I found ourselves watching it quite recently. For those that don’t know, Salad Fingers is a man who lives alone in a rickety shack, and is generally just insane. Not as in Nicki Minaj, insane, but more like ‘Silence Of the Lambs’ insane. But the most disturbing aspect about these cartoons is… the fact that they are so darn addicting! You just HAVE to watch the next episode to see what happens. And here are the wonderful quotes from the first four episodes, that make Salad Fingers so chilling.

1.The feeling of rust…. against my salad fingers… is almost orgasmic… Ok. Do I  really need to explain how this is creepy!? I will anyway. In this episode, we are introduced to Salad Fingers and are immediately    told about how much Salad fingers likes rusty spoons, and other rusty objects. We see him ‘caress’ a rusty kettle at the end of the episode. Boy, is this gonna be a rough ride…

2.I like it when the red water comes out…. Urgh. In this episode, Salad Fingers prepares dinner for his friends (who are in reality, finger puppets who Salad Fingers as named Hubert Cumberdale, Marjory Stewart-Baxter and Jeremy Fisher).  He says he ‘has a fish cooking in the oven’ for them but he ‘can’t reach it’. He then lures a child into his house to get it out for him. Whilst the child climbs into the oven to get the fish for him, Salad Fingers holds the oven door open, until he gets distracted by a rusty nail on the wall. Salad Fingers then proceeds to push his finger through the nail because he likes it when the ‘red water’ comes out. When he passes out from the pain (I suppose), he imagines he’s in a massive meat freezer. He touches the nails and raw meat whilst singing ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’ from the Wizard of Oz. Hmm. Whatever floats his boat, I guess?

3. It seems…the nettles…have made the milk drop out… from inside my teat. This is just sick. At the beginning of this episode we see Salad Fingers rubbing nettles all over his hands because he likes the feel of them. Later on, he takes off his shirt to rub the nettles on his chest. I can safely say that my friend almost cried from the creepiness.

4. *Breathes* Oh my goodness, this episode. To cut a long story short after Salad Fingers comes home, he sees a giant woodlouse just walking around. He decides to name it Bordois, and refers to it as ‘little sister’. Then… Then he just looks at it and breathes. And they were the longest four seconds of my life. My goodness, I’m reliving it now, and  all I can do is laugh nervously. As if this wasn’t enough, Salad fingers then goes on to say to Bordois: ‘Your body is so much fun… I’d like to give it a big stroke.’ he does, and as he touches the woodlouse to pet it, he crushes it underneath his finger.

Oh Salad Fingers. :’)  Although I felt uncomfortable every moment I watched it, I felt I had to… just to see what he’d do next. And if you want to watch it, my advice would be to not watch it alone. And don’t watch it if you plan on sleeping that night.

 

Dr Who: How To Be The Next Companion

Ok, I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days now. Although it is EXTREMELY sad that we’ve had to say good bye to Amy and Rory (It was those damn angels, I TOLD you!), I think that we should all dry our tears and see this as a good thing.

Wait, wait! before you start throwing rotten fruit at me, let me finish! The tragic and emotional, yet still heartwarming departure of Rory and Amy means one thing…. The Doctor is going to need a new companion. Just let that sink in. It could be any one of us. And who wouldn’t want to travel through space and time with the Doctor? Look, we may have missed out on David Tennant, but there is NO WAY we’re missing out on Matt Smith too. So here are my tips on how to become the next companion.

1. If something seems dodgy…. put yourself in the middle of it. The Doctor, being as noble as he is, will PROBABLY come and save you. If a person is acting as if they are in a trance, or have developed a manic sort of laughter,  or have even acquired sinister shadows that fall about their eyes as they have a ‘eureka!’ moment…. associate with them as soon as possible. You probably won’t get to be one of the Doctor’s companions, but you probably will get to meet him. And hey, you may turn out to be the bad-guy-turns-good, realise the error of your ways, and give up your own life to help the Doctor save the Earth. So… thanks in advance, I guess.

2. Live in England. Preferably London. Sorry guys, but London seems to be the Doctor’s favourite place to be. (Wonder why, eh, BBC? ;)) Your chances of stumbling upon him in a deserted street greaten significantly if you live there. And terribly sorry if you don’t live in Britain, but the cold truth is… you don’t stand much of a chance. But hey, if I ever travel with him, I’ll make sure to send you all postcards!

3. Be a girl. Sorry guys, but the new adventurous Doctor (i.e.the 9th, 10th and 11th Doctors) tends to favour the ladies. Not that I’m complaining. But the guys very rarely get to be involved in ALL of the Doctor’s shenanigans. So being a girl is definitely an advantage. It may also help if you have a two syllable name. I’m not kidding, think about it. Apart from Rose, everyone else involved has two syllables to their name. Oh yeah, also be pretty.

4.  Make witty comments. Also be able to raise one eyebrow. The Doctor seems to like witty people. As well as this, it is a good idea to have a nickname that you wish to call the Doctor. We’ve already had ‘Space Man’ and ‘Raggedy Man’ so maybe… ‘Box Man?’ Yeah, the good ones have already been taken.  I don’t know about the eyebrow thing, but… it seems to work.

5. Enter every Police Telephone call box you see. One of them is bound to be the TARDIS. But since the Doctor’s TARDIS is traditionally locked, this isn’t the best bet. If you do find a locked Police Telephone call box…. wait by it for a couple of days. The Doctor tends to only take a day or two to stop an alien invasion, so if you’re still waiting after a week…. To the next telephone box!

So good luck, guys. And remember, we may not necessarily be looking for our lovable bow-tied, tweed jacket-ed 11th Doctor. He could have regenerated already, so basically- any eccentric stranger could be him.  I hope this helped, and I am definitely not responsible for anything that happens if you take my advice. Although, if it does work… take me with you!