So Hungry You Could Eat A Horse?

Yeah, this story has been on the news for quite a while now. For people who aren’t in the UK, or just don’t know what’s going on… Unsuspecting Brits have been buying and eating beef products, that have turned out to be horse.

What?

Now, many people I know have been freaking out about it. Which is fair enough. But I don’t really feel any negative emotions except that people should know what they’re buying, and get what they paid for. I, personally, don’t feel sick to my stomach about maybe eating some   feeble creature reminiscent of Boxer from ‘Animal Farm’. Well now I’ve given the meat a personality, I feel a little guilty… BUT, my point is, that if this horse-beef was injected with some ionising traquliser that turns you into a mutant after you’ve eaten it… There’s nothing you can do about it now. 

Seriously, so you might as well all stop worrying, and enjoy life. If you’re lucky, you might even get a horse related super power. Isn’t that how it works?

Happy Halloween!

It’s a Were-Coconut. Its cute.

Hey, guys! Ok, I think we ALL know whats going on here… Halloween! Ah, Halloween, the one day a year where a man can walk down the street wearing a mask and carrying a sickle, and not get stopped by the police. Actually… the one day a man can wear a mask, carry a sickle, and offer sweets to random children, and not get stopped by the police.

Do you like the picture? I think I’m going to start including them in my posts because I think they brighten them up? They do, don’t you think?

Ok, with that said… Halloween. Now, I’m not American, I’m English, and Halloween really isn’t that big of a deal here. Don’t get me wrong, we still dress up and trick-or-treat and all that jazz, but we don’t get as EMOTIONAL about it as Americans seem to. I don’t know about Australia, France and Canada though, is it big there too? To be honest, I’ve only had one trick-or-treater today, and they’ve already pissed me off. I mean, who trick or treats at 5 pm?

Anyways, that being said, I think the best part of Halloween is the scary stories. Not because they’re actually scary, but because they are so amazingly stupid that they’re funny. I mean, half the characters in these stories bring death upon themselves. I mean, look at these first sentences.

1. One Halloween, the parents of a young girl, due to prior arrangements, were forced to leave her home alone for the night. Seriously, if your child can be described in a story as a ‘young girl’… they shouldn’t be left alone at home. And especially on Halloween; they really want to tempt fate, don’t they? Like, what if she gets attacked by demons? Who she gonna call? Ghostbusters?

2. An old woman lived alone on a foggy hill, miles away from any village or town. Well… I can’t see anything going wrong here. I’m taking now as an oppurtunity to promise to both my parents: I will NEVER let you live like that in your old age. Never. :3

3. The parents of a young girl had an interest of clowns, and so collected clown items from around the world, and kept them all in one room. Oh wow. Wow, wow, wow. Well I must tell you, that aside from spiders, and the devil himself, clowns are the scariest thing on this planet. Anybody, ANYBODY who is sane, would not bring that kind of evil into their home. And do you know what? I am not surprised that some escaped murderers decide to dress up as clowns. They go hand in hand.

4. A woman gave birth to a child whose father was the devil. Ok, I think we’re done for the day.

Anyways, I think Halloween is good. Because sometimes its nice to have an excuse to eat sweets, and stuff. And since i just realised I’m home alone… I’m going to plan my emergency exits and what not.

And believe me, if i die tonight… I am SO haunting my enemies!

Words That Should Not Be

Is it just me, or are there just some words in the English Language that just sound socially unacceptable? Most of the time, it’s not even the definition of the word, but the word itself. They way it sounds… or the way if feels in your mouth when you say it. My friend and I went through a phase where we wrote down all the words that gave us the creeps.

Scalp.

Phlegm.

Snog.

Just a few of the multiple of words that fell out the armpit of the English Language. I mean, ew, who thought of words like that!?

Moist.

Ew! At first, I thought I should explain why I hate these words… but no. No. I think they should speak for themselves.

Flesh.

Viscous.

Oyster.

Even a word like pork.  It doesn’t sound that bad… Or does it? Think about it. Say it out loud a few times. Seriously, it’s the same with all these words. You might think there’s nothing wrong at all with these words. But say them very slowly… and say them out loud.

Puss.

Mucus.

Sloth.

…

Mutilation.

Ok, granted, most of these words, have nasty meanings anyway, but still!

Now, I’m not knocking English; I love it. I love learning new words; beautiful words, like superfluous and iridescent. However, sometimes I’ll come across a word like ‘squalor’ and just wonder why?

WHY!?

Urgh, anyway…I’ve said these words so many times over that they don’t even sound like English anymore. They sound like Elvish or something. I don’t know… am I even normal?

I’m starting to think I’m not.

Green Bullets and Other Shenenigans

Oh,  my goodness! Has it really been THAT long since I last posted!? I didn’t realize… I’ve been really busy, and I’m SORRY. But it won’t happen EVER again. Probably.

So what has happened since we last saw each other?

1. I took my first major exam. I spent AGES revising, and I just hope it payed off.

2. Its SUMMER! Which is actually really overrated. I mean, the first three days you’re all excited and stuff, like ‘SUMMER! WHOOOOOH!’. But what happens next? You get bored and lonely. Then you start wishing school was back on. Until the last week of your holiday, when you realize you’ve done NOTHING with your life, and start wishing for extra days. This doesn’t work, and you end up in  school. And what happens a week in…? You want a holiday. I’m telling you, its a pointless, torturous cycle of tears.

3. London 2012 Olympics. Its amazing how a sports event can bring such a great feeling of unity to a nation. At first, I wasn’t too excited, but let me tell you, after the FORMIDABLE Opening Ceremony, I started to realize what it was all about. I bought a Great Britain skirt and everything. And I’m not even a sports person. My family have been glued to the television for almost seven consecutive days, and team GB has been doing SO WELL. The only other athlete we have actually supported was Usain Bolt. Because some of our family friends are Jamaican, and lets be honest. He’s awesome.

4. Green Bullets. Yeah, Green Bullets. For those of you who don’t know, Green Bullets are environmentally friendly bullets. Which, to me, sums up how twisted our world is. Like, “Here, take these bullets, and KILL someone!… Oh, stop CRYING; they’re good for the ENVIRONMENT!”

So, that’s about it. And have you noticed, how all through the Olympics, the sports news has been coming BEFORE Syria and stuff? And whilst that’s kinda a little bit messed up, I think its a good thing. Its how the news SHOULD be. No wars, just sport. I think sport is a healthy replacement for war. Because sport is like war, except its better, because nobody has to die.  So now, I’m going to go and paint my face the colour of my flag, and you sir… should do the same.