Dr Who: How To Be The Next Companion

Ok, I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days now. Although it is EXTREMELY sad that we’ve had to say good bye to Amy and Rory (It was those damn angels, I TOLD you!), I think that we should all dry our tears and see this as a good thing.

Wait, wait! before you start throwing rotten fruit at me, let me finish! The tragic and emotional, yet still heartwarming departure of Rory and Amy means one thing…. The Doctor is going to need a new companion. Just let that sink in. It could be any one of us. And who wouldn’t want to travel through space and time with the Doctor? Look, we may have missed out on David Tennant, but there is NO WAY we’re missing out on Matt Smith too. So here are my tips on how to become the next companion.

1. If something seems dodgy…. put yourself in the middle of it. The Doctor, being as noble as he is, will PROBABLY come and save you. If a person is acting as if they are in a trance, or have developed a manic sort of laughter,  or have even acquired sinister shadows that fall about their eyes as they have a ‘eureka!’ moment…. associate with them as soon as possible. You probably won’t get to be one of the Doctor’s companions, but you probably will get to meet him. And hey, you may turn out to be the bad-guy-turns-good, realise the error of your ways, and give up your own life to help the Doctor save the Earth. So… thanks in advance, I guess.

2. Live in England. Preferably London. Sorry guys, but London seems to be the Doctor’s favourite place to be. (Wonder why, eh, BBC? ;)) Your chances of stumbling upon him in a deserted street greaten significantly if you live there. And terribly sorry if you don’t live in Britain, but the cold truth is… you don’t stand much of a chance. But hey, if I ever travel with him, I’ll make sure to send you all postcards!

3. Be a girl. Sorry guys, but the new adventurous Doctor (i.e.the 9th, 10th and 11th Doctors) tends to favour the ladies. Not that I’m complaining. But the guys very rarely get to be involved in ALL of the Doctor’s shenanigans. So being a girl is definitely an advantage. It may also help if you have a two syllable name. I’m not kidding, think about it. Apart from Rose, everyone else involved has two syllables to their name. Oh yeah, also be pretty.

4.  Make witty comments. Also be able to raise one eyebrow. The Doctor seems to like witty people. As well as this, it is a good idea to have a nickname that you wish to call the Doctor. We’ve already had ‘Space Man’ and ‘Raggedy Man’ so maybe… ‘Box Man?’ Yeah, the good ones have already been taken.  I don’t know about the eyebrow thing, but… it seems to work.

5. Enter every Police Telephone call box you see. One of them is bound to be the TARDIS. But since the Doctor’s TARDIS is traditionally locked, this isn’t the best bet. If you do find a locked Police Telephone call box…. wait by it for a couple of days. The Doctor tends to only take a day or two to stop an alien invasion, so if you’re still waiting after a week…. To the next telephone box!

So good luck, guys. And remember, we may not necessarily be looking for our lovable bow-tied, tweed jacket-ed 11th Doctor. He could have regenerated already, so basically- any eccentric stranger could be him.  I hope this helped, and I am definitely not responsible for anything that happens if you take my advice. Although, if it does work… take me with you!

Exterminate Regenerate!

Two things are happening tomorrow. Firstly, I have to start to long and torturous process of switching from Holiday Mode to School Mode. Blah.

Secondly, the seventh season of Doctor Who is finally airing! Yay! I have been waiting for this for a long, long time.

Personally, my favourite Doctor was the 10th Doctor, portrayed by David Tennant, although Matt Smith has come to grow on me too. I have been watching all the episodes, and I was only truly emotionally affected by one episode. ‘Blink’.

Why are the Weeping Angels so darn scary?

For those who don’t know, the weeping angels are aliens who are quantum-locked. This means they turn to stone when any living organism is looking at them, and they cannot move until said organism looks away. But when they DO look away, the Weeping Angels can move faster than the speed of light. And if they touch you, they send you back in time and feast on the time energy, which is in the life that you COULD have lived, if you had not been touched. So it’s not like they KILL YOU, kill you. They only send you back in time, and let you ‘live to death’. So why is it that every time they flash on the screen, I run a mile? I literally had to pause the episode every five minutes to calm myself down. And that’s when it hit me.

There is no way you can defeat them. All humans have the basic ‘Fight or Flight’ reflex. But that’s the thing. You can’t fight. And you can’t… flight. If you turn your back to run away, (which, I’m not gunna lie, is the first thing that I’d attempt to do) they’d move faster then the speed of light, and get you. And if you fight them, they’d touch you, and they’d have won. And on top of that, you can’t even BLINK? We never stood a chance, did we?

Part of the mental trauma, was in the fact that we never saw the angels move. Not in the first episode, anyway. And as soon as we did see them move, they weren’t as scary. Besides, in ‘Time Of The Angels’, they moved slower than the humans. But in ‘Blink’, they’d be four hundred metres away, you blink for a tenth of a second and BAM. They’re all up in your grill with their fangs on show. There’s something about the Angels that make them just as scary to watch the second time, as the first. And even though they only kill one person, at the very beginning, I found myself staring down statues at the park. Not even because I believed that the Weeping Angels were real. It was… just in case.

That being said, it was still a very good episode. I’m just…never watching it again.

Tonight, I’m going to listen to all my  Trock songs. Trock is TARDIS rock, and the best songs come  from a band called ‘Chameleon Circuit’ featuring both Alex Day (Nerimon)  AND Charlie McDonnell (Charlieissocoollike). Ironically, the song about the Weeping Angels (also called Blink), is my favourite.

If you haven’t watched this episode, and you think I’m exaggerating…go watch it. I dare you. Just like the Doctor said: “Don’t Blink. Blink and you’re dead. Don’t turn your back. Don’t look away. And don’t Blink. Good Luck.”

Toddlers, Tiaras, and Other Ways to Mess Up Your Kids

So, yesterday, I was on YouTube. Not to music part, or the viral video part, or even the creepy hentai part. I was on the part with video clips from ‘The Dr Drew Show’, like, ‘I Think My Brother Wants to Eat My Baby‘. Well, not exactly, but it was still pretty weird stuff.

Anyway, under the suggested videos, was a whole episode of ‘Toddlers & Tiaras’. Now, I’d never watched this show before, but I had a pretty good idea of what it was about. Beauty Pageants. So, I thought ‘#YOLO’, and I clicked it. Only minus the #YOLO. Because #YOLO is stupid. 

To be honest, there was nothing completely SHOCKING about the show. Nevertheless, some parts were pretty….disturbing.

Now, unlike the majority of people on the comments for the video, I can understand why as a child you’d want to be in pageants, and as a mum (its usually the mum) you’d want your daughter to be in them. Its the same reason why loads of little girls want to be fairies, princesses, models, singers and actresses. Its because its a job where you always get to look pretty. Actually, no, its a job where you always HAVE to look pretty. I don’t think being a part of pageants is any different. And in the mums’ cases, every mother thinks their child is the most beautiful God-given gift on God’s green earth, and having them win ‘Ultimate Grand Supreme’ in a pageant is proving this to everyone else.

HOWEVER, there’s something about the whole scenario that is just wrong. Like, fine, your three year old daughter is wearing fake tan, and a bucket load of make-up, something MOST girls aren’t allowed to do until they’re at least in High School. But when she comes on stage in a bikini outfit and is told to, quote, ‘Shake her booty’… Am I the only one who feels unclean for watching it?

Also, I don’t know if this is a coincidence or not, but nearly all of the pageant children they feature are incredibly spoilt. And bratty. Except for, I must say, a ten year old called Desiree, who seemed so genuinely nice; I wanted her to win. She didn’t. I know I have no idea what its like, or how, to raise kids, but I know this. If I talked to my mum the way some of these kids did, I just…NO. Just, no.   And, the thing is, their parents just laugh, like its cute. Their parents say its character building.When they interview them, they’re all “Yeah, she’s real sassy, she’s got an attitude and she knows what she wants. And if she doesn’t win…things can get real ugly.” And believe me, it does. But doesn’t character building include how to be a good and gracious loser?

Apparently not. But who can blame the kids for crying and throwing a tantrum, when a panel of judges has basically told them that they aren’t pretty enough to win the crown. I know I’d be upset. And also, the amount of sugar, pixie sticks, and if you’re unlucky, Go-go Juice will have made me cranky anyway, when I hit my sugar low. Most parents give the sugar to their kids to keep them alert for those ‘Long old Pageant Days’. One parent, the mother of Alana Thompson, aka Honey Boo Boo Child (yes, I know, I chose to ignore it. Its just too much effort.) gives Alana her own concoction called ‘Go-go Juice’. Its half Red Bull, and half Mountain Dew. As you can imagine, it keeps her alert. But I’m sure this isn’t healthy. Can you imagine, if she gets addicted to caffeine? A six year old, getting the shakes and sweats because shes trying to quit?

So to sum up, I don’t think its a good thing to put your children through at such a young age. Maybe if they were a little older, and chose to do it all by themselves…. I just feel sorry for them. But, hey, at least they’re pretty? Hopefully, they’ll all turn out fine. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this, its that other people’s stupidity makes good viewing for the public.